In the beginning: A Heffa's Diary!
<------ NO THIS IS NOT ME, BUT THIS IS HOW I FEEL MOST OF THE TIME!!!I decided to start a new blog dedicated to the fact that I am not happy about the way I look or feel. Don't get me wrong, I am a happy person, things are going OK in my life and very little to complain about except how big I am. I have always been a big person and have no delusions that someday I will look like a supermodel, but this has gotten outta hand. I have made the conscientious decision to change my life in an effort to become healthy, not skinny, just healthy.
You might be asking what this entails and if your not then why are you still reading this at all? I can tell you why. People like to see people fail. I'm not saying that I will, but there is that possibility that I could. That's why reality TV does so well, people want to see people broken in more ways then one. People also like to see other people humiliated, it makes them feel good about themselves. That's where this blog is going to shine. The reason?? I am going to let it all hang out, not literally but you know what I mean. I am going to put every detail about my weight, eating habits and exercising or lack there of in this.
The reason that is so humiliating for me is because I have not told anyone how much I have weighed since high school. Even when I was pregnant and at my Dr. appointments with my ex husband, I made him leave the room so that only the doctor would know and even I didn't look at the scale and asked she didn't tell me. Its a self conscience thing. I get embarrassed and depressed putting a number to a size that I already know is huge.
So why now do I decide to broadcast to the world the number that I have dreaded for at least 10 years? For accountability. With people watching I just cant say I'll start over next week, oh I'm not that big, this is OK, etc. . . . . That and its not just people who care about me that will be reading this. I have found that people who care about you lie to you or have what I call love goggles. They see you, but they don't or wont see all of you so that when you turn to them for the support and self bashing that you need, and I don't care what people say we all need to do that once in a while, they turn around and tell you re encouraging things so as to not hurt your feeling or that they really don't see the problem that you see.
There are times that everyone needs to hear how far they have let themselves go and be held accountable for what they are doing to themselves. This blog in essence is going to do that for me.
Now that I have rambled on and on about why I am doing this, this is exactly how I am going to do it. Everyday I will be posting my exercises for the day, my meal diary and on Sundays will be the dreaded weigh in. And yes I will be posting the numbers to show the world how much I weigh. Hopefully it will be more positive then negative, but that is not life and you have been warned that there will be posted with whining and crying through this journey. My only hope is that in a couple months the positive posts out weigh the negative because with as low as I am about this very personal and sensitive issue, the only place to go is up.
The first weigh in will be Sunday, July 22nd. Let my reality blog life begin!
